Is there Love for Me?

When I’m alone I feel cold. I shiver as there is no heat in my body, no warmth, no Love. I curl up on my bed under the covers, I hold myself in my arms, but no matter what I do, I’m cold and shivering. I don’t like to be alone; it makes me feel as though of a waste of space. I think that no one would want a cold, non-soul-love body. Who would want that? Tell me if you know, so I don’t feel so alone. I creep alone in the dark at night looking at everyone with their warm soft bodies of Love. When I cry, I don’t tear; I don’t have water running down my face. I try to cry… but I can’t, why can’t I cry myself to sleep anymore? Is it because I’m a lifeless human, with no soul, warmth, Love body? I walk down the streets at night in the pitch black dark. Sometimes I fall down and get wet and dirty but I don’t care, I just get back up and keep walking, searching for someone who would want me. Every time I come back home, back into my dark room that is always warm but never seems to warm me. My family would leave food out my door but I don’t eat. I never feel hungry for food, but yet I feel hungry for something more, more than food and more then warmth…it is…Love…I think. It is Love I feel for and hope. But I know I’ll never find it. I sit in my room day after day painting hearts of love on my walls, looking up into space. I try to cry myself to sleep but I usually don’t. I listen to dark sad music. One day I felt like dyeing, so I took a knife in the middle of my room and started to cut myself all over. My blood dripped all over my floor and bed, I loved the color of it. I kited cutting myself more and more making blood spill down my body. Soon I lost too much blood and passed out on my floor making a loud “THUD.” As I layer on the floor still bleeding, I heard screams running around in my head. I laughed as though they felt almost cries for help…..I liked it and I layer there dead on my floor. I had thought I had died but I didn’t, I felt sad now… I woke up to water on my bed, it felt warm. I opened my eyes to find my family and friends crying above me, I asked “Why is everyone crying? Tell me, please” they act though I was a whisper in the room. No one could hear me. What was I going to do? I started at everyone still wondering why. As I stared up at everyone crying over my bed, I started to feel sad because everyone was crying and would not tell me why. The clock kept ticking, minutes passed as I became worried. Soon I got paranoid, I screamed as loud as my lungs would allow me. Everyone stopped crying and looked down at me with wide eyes; their mouths feel open in shock. I asked “Whets wrong? Why is everyone crying? And why am I in the hospital? I’m scared. Someone please tell me…” As everyone still at me with wide eyes and mouth, more of their tears started fall form their eyes. More minutes asses as everyone just looked at me and cried. Soon I heard a voice calling my name, saying that they were worried about me. I looked around the room and saw my friend Jesse kneeled down by my side. I haven’t seen him in a few years since he moved away on business. The first thing that came into my mind was “Why is he here? Why is he crying by my side?” I had to know so I asked him. Jesses said in reply “I’m here because I was worried about you, and I’m crying because you almost died, the doctors had to give you more blood, you cutter yourself pretty bad dumbbell.” I frowned at everyone as I closed my eyes and said ” Why couldn’t I die, why did everyone have to save me?” Then everyone just looked at me with wet eyes. I heard another voice, it said “Because we care about you” I turned my head to see my brother speaking now, and then more voices started saying things like “We do care. We love you.” As I heard everyone saying those things I became sad because I made everyone cry because of me. I started saying to everyone “I’m so sorry everyone, I made you all cry, and I made you shed such pretty tears for me. Why didn’t you just let me die? Why?!” As I was saying that I started feel water run down my cold cheeks. I touched my face and found out that I was crying myself… but I didn’t know why. Was it because everyone else was crying? Because they all said they loved me? Why, how could I cry? My body started to feel all warm inside as I cried. As the room was silent but all you could hear are tears dropping to the floor. I didn’t like it, now that I was still “alive” and crying with a warm body this time, I knew my life has changed. I would have to change my life back the way it was. I told everyone to leave the room so I could rest. Now that I was alone again thinking of what to do now, how to change back. What was left of the old me? The cold me? I sat on my bed longer still thinking when I heard a knock on my door. I said “Come in…Its open… Like the rest of me…” I looked toward the door to see my old friend Jessestanding in the doorway with a smirk. I wondered why he was still here, and with a smirk on his face. I didn’t like that either. I said to Jesse ” Whats up? I thought everyone already left.” But Jesse didn’t answer right away, he just walked up to my bed and held my hand. Soon Jesse did answer, he said ” Nothing much just worried about you, trying to think of a way to ask you to marry me after so long, the usual. Yes everyone did leave but me. I’m going to stay with you untill you don’t want me anymore.” I laid there with my mouth open in shock. “You want me to marry you…?” I said to Jesse. Then Jesse got on one knee and held out a rose with a ring in the middle of it and asked ” Nikki will you marry me?” He just smilied at me, as I soon felt more tears running down my face as I blushed a light shade of pink. My body felt warm again, but another type of warm, like someone was holding me and never letting go. It felt like….Love…As the words fell out of my mouth I said ” Yes, I will marry you Jesse.” Then Jesse took my ring finger and slided the ring on my finger. He held me tightly as if I was floating but not falling. I liked this feeling. I don’t feel cold anymore…I can live happy now. I’m free from my curse of alonelyness, the cold, and pain. I cried in Jesses arms saying ” I’m free…Thank you.” On that day love had been set forever.